I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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