her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
