My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
