a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
