just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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