She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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