Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All I want is dick and wine.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
