dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
