just come out here and I will go home with you...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
