I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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