I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
