Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
