singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
