he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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