Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
