How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
