"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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