That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
