I cannot find my penis.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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