i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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