I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
