hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
