i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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