Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
