i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
