absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
