I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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