I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
