Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
