You can't special order awesome
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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