So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
