Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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