if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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