thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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