Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
