you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
