my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
