Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Randomize
