can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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