i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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