Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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