I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
