Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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