God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
