Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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