everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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