Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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