All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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