For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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