Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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