Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's just like the Real World with babies
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
