she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
