you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
