Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
don't judge my taste in strippers
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
